Let me just start off saying how much I hate Alicia Keys I'm sorry but she's terrible I really can't even compose a proper blog post about this because she's so fucking overdramatic to the point where it's not even worth my time typing in the correct format for this. Before anyone chimes in saying "oh you're overreacting maybe YOU'RE the overdramatic one" DON'T WORRY I HAVE PROOF AND EXPLANATIONS FOR THIS

HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO BE ON THE PHONE IN YOUR MUSIC VIDEOS I DON'T GET WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT

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I LOVE COMMON AND ALL BUT WTF THANK GOD HE'S PLAYING DEAD IN THIS VIDEO BECAUSE I SURE WOULD NEVER WANT TO HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH THIS OVERDRAMATIC THING

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BUT WAIT THEN SHE HAS THIS VIDEO

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WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

THEN THERE ARE SOME VIDEOS WHERE SHE IS NOT ON THE PHONE (SHOCKER) BUT THEN YOU HAVE THIS

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I'M SORRY BUT IF I WAS ON THE NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY AND I SAW THIS SHIT GOING DOWN AND I COULDN'T GET OFF AT MY STOP BECAUSE OF THIS WELL LET ME JUST SAY I WOULD HAVE A BOX OF TOMATOES WITH ME, A MEGAPHONE, AND A SQUIRT GUN TO GET THIS SHIT TO STOP

THEN YOU HAVE TEENAGE LOVE AFFAIR WHICH TAKES PLACE AT A COLLEGE IN WHICH ALICIA KEYS ATTENDS YET SHE'S 27 YEARS OLD AT THE TIME THAT THIS VIDEO WAS FILMED. WHO ARE YOU FOOLING

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THIS VIDEO JUST FUCKING GETS ME LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WHAT "POWERS" DOES SHE HAVE ASIDE FROM BEING SO FUCKING OVERDRAMATIC ALL THE GODDAMN TIME

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she has to stand up all the time and play the piano OK SIT THE FUCK DOWN YOU'RE PLAYING A FUCKING PIANO IT'S A PIANO IT'S NOT INTENSE IT'S A FUCKING WOODEN BOARD WITH KEYS DO YOU HAVE HEMORRHOIDS OR SOMETHING JUST SIT THE FUCK DOWN YOU'RE PLAYING A PIANO

SHE ALSO SCREAMS INTO THE MICROPHONE OK WE GET IT BUT STOP BEING SO FUCKING OVERDRAMATIC THERE'S NO REASON TO HOWL AND SCREECH INTO THE MICROPHONE

OH LOOK AT THIS PICTURE THAT I HAVE IT'S A 2 FOR 1 BECAUSE SHE'S BOTH SCREAMING INTO THE MICROPHONE AND PLAYING THE PIANO STANDING UP!!!!

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THEN THERE'S GIRL ON FIRE OMG DO YOU REALLY NEED TO SCREAM "THIS GIRL IS ON FFFFIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE" YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SOUNDS LIKE??? IT REMINDS ME WAY TOO MUCH OF ELLE VARNER'S REFILL!!!!!

I'M PRETTY SURE SAYING "THIS GIRL IS ON FFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRREEEEEEE" IN MANHATTAN IS NOT A SUPERB IDEA ALICIA KEYS

i just want to punch her in the face