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Elle Varner

This blog entry is way overdue but it's ok beacuse the subject matter makes up for it

ELLE VARNER

OK GUYS

IF THERE WAS A  LI'L MISS ALICIA KEYS LOOK ALIKE CONTEST, SHE'S THE WINNER

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NOT ONLY DOES SHE LOOK LIKE HER, SHE'S ANNOYING JUST LIKE HER SENIOR ROLE MODEL ALICIA KEYS!!

THEY BOTH FUCKING SCREECH IN THEIR SONGS

When I first saw the video for "Only Want To Give It To You" I said "what is this why she straining her voice like Christina Aguilera" and then I realised "oh it's just the way she sounds I hope she has some Halls or something for her throat to feel better"
I could barely stand that video and J. Cole made it worse but I mean I have to give him credit to try to cover up her screams. OH WAIT NOW THAT'S MY CUE TO GET ON AND DISCUSS REFILL

THE FIRST TIME I HEARD THIS SONG I WAS BAFFLED AS FUCK BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW IF I WAS STILL WATCHING VH1 SOUL OR CMT PURE COUNTRY BECAUSE OF THIS FUCKING FIDDLE GOING ON BUT WHATEVER

but then it gets worse.

WAY worse.

THE FIDDLE DOESN'T FADE AWAY AND THEN YOU HEAR "can I get a REEEEEE FiiiLLLLLLLLL" and I think "ok." and then another "REEEEFiiLlLLllLLL" at this time I wasn't sure if I should mute the tv or keep watching but then I hear the "can I get a REEeEeEeEe EeEeEeEEe EEeEEe EeEeeEee FIIIILLLLLLLL" and that's when I blurted out a  "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT" and immediately got on twitter (j/k i was already on it) and tweeted saying "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ELLE VARNER VIDEO"

First off just what the fuck is happening in the video. She's out to dinner with some guy she doesn't even know that she met out the window on a yellow school bus and then they steal a BMW from the valet parking but then return it (how is this possible because the BMW has keyless entry) and then she's back on the bus and he gives her his number but he holds onto the paper and it tears and she doesn't have his number.

Also if the video portrays that she is a high school student then she should not be with some guy in his mid-to-late 20s going on a date in the city

how romantic!

I SUFFERED FROM APRIL 2012 TO OCTOBER 2012 HEARING HER REeEEEeEEeEee SCREECHES MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY DAILY. 6 MONTHS. I SHOULD FILE A LAWSUIT FOR PAIN AND SUFFERING BECAUSE BELIEVE ME I FUCKING SUFFERED

EVERY TIME I SEE THE WORD "REFILL" I GET THAT FUCKING SCREECH BLARING IN MY MIND AND IT WON'T GO AWAY

I was at Target and I heard "reEeEeE" and I thought I was hearing things but it turns out there was a display 'sampling' her new Target exclusive album "PERFECTLY IMPERFECT" with Refill being played on loop.

NO


During the summer at the BET Awards the camera kept panning to Elle Varner sitting in her seat, smiling, taking it all in like she is the next Aretha Franklin

MORE LIKE THE NEXT ALICIA KEYS BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE HER AND YOU ARE BOTH FUCKING OVERDRAMATIC AS FUCK IN BOTH YOUR VIDEOS AND VOCALS I CAN'T EVEN FUCKING DEAL WITH THIS ANY LONGER

SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT THIS BITCH ASLEEP BECAUSE THIS SONG FUCKING SUCKS

JUST FROM THIS BLOG ENTRY BEING WRITTEN RIGHT NOW IT'S STUCK IN MY HEAD AND I KNOW NOW THAT EVERY TIME I READ THIS POST I'M GOING TO GET IT STUCK IN MY HEAD.

I'M DONE