Mariah Carey

today is Mariah Carey's birthday

it is also her 6th anniversary being married to Nick Cannon

first off let me just say what the fuck

why did you marry Nick Cannon

Mariah Carey are you sick do you have a fever

I wish your wedding day was more like the video for We Belong Together because Nick Cannon is clearly the old white guy and your true knight in shining armor is the hot guy with the shaved head

ugh

don't live with the regret of having your wedding anniversary so close to or on your birthday

ok but anyway I like Mariah Carey I like Vision Of Love and Emotions and all the other hits like Heartbreaker and We Belong Together and Always Be My Baby and Fantasy and Dreamlover

Fantasy was filmed at Rye Playland which is 40 mins away from where I live but I could get there faster because I'm a car

I used to go to Playland a lot when I was a little car

Mariah Carey is clearly having the time of her life in the Fantasy video which is exactly how it is like at Playland

I love the song with Miguel called #Beautiful and the hashtag is there because Miguel is #beautiful actually he's perfect Miguel is the reason that song exists and he sings more on #Beautiful than Mariah Carey does which is ok because Miguel is perfect and he deserves all the attention because he's gorgeous

Mariah Carey has a new single called You're Mine (Eternal) and let me just say omfg Trey Songz is in it and I can't handle myself when I see the video because it's a model photo shoot with Trey Songz in the video looking gorgeous as usual and Mariah Carey is just there in the rainforest chillin naked behind a wicker basket near a waterfall

I also like Boy (I Need You) with Cam'Ron because Cam'Ron is hot and sexy and that version is better than the original one and I like the video because the dog in the car talks

Mariah Carey seems to follow this trend of giving all of her album names something cute and feminine or something you get from Claire's and I have a feeling that Mariah Carey is running out of cute things to name her albums

if you say you hate Mariah Carey well you better have a lot of proof because nobody hates Mariah Carey everybody loves Mariah Carey

if you are a white male most likely Mariah Carey is your guilty pleasure I mean you can listen to black metal and punk rock and you can be having a bad day at the office but the moment you hear Always Be My Baby or Dreamlover you will absolutely be in a good mood because it's Mariah Carey

happy birthday Mariah Carey Miguel is hot in your video

Miguel's DUI Arrest part 2

Back in the summer, Miguel was arrested in the early hours of the morning for DUI on August 15th 2013.  I blogged about it here.

Everybody made a big deal about it even though driving under the influence is very serious but this is Miguel we are talking about and even though he is extremely serious and precious like a diamond ring he is fine driving drunk because he has a real car and if he had gotten hurt the airbags in his 2013 BMW X6 would've deployed and kept him safe.

on February 21 2014, TMZ reported that Miguel apologized for his DUI in August. Clearly this is not a concern of Miguel's since this took him over 6 months to say something about it.  Miguel is being extra sexy by admitting he should've never did this because he cares about people and doesn't want people to be like him because everybody needs to be their own person and not copy hot people like Miguel because Miguel is original and gorgeous

all I want to say is ok attn everyone who cares Miguel is fine please let him be

yes he had to pay a fine of $360 but I'm pretty sure if he tied his shoelace or rolled up a shirt sleeve that's like $800 given to him right there so paying a measly $360 fine is basically giving money away to poor people on the streets

Miguel also had to take a drunk driving class which again is w/e because Miguel is far too superior to be around those invalids in the class so he most likely did it online like a defensive driving class and had someone take it for him as he sat in a hammock being fanned off by giant palm leaves while being fed grapes or had private sessions at home for that because he most likely would become impaired from being around such lowlifes in the sessions and the education would become even more of a waste

Miguel was also sentenced to 3 years of informal probation which is such a major eye roll oh please 3 years is nothing you can blink an eye and it's over trust me I know this I'm a car most car leases are 3 years it's going to be over before a child born in August 2013 is toilet trained

Miguel you have nothing to worry about you will always have my support I know what you are going through I'm a car I see this happen everyday but don't worry you're ok you're still perfect you should be president you're hot we need a hot president you have no idea how gorgeous you are I hope you read this blog I'm always going to love you more than anyone or anything you are #1 in my life

BEYONCÉ

HELLO GOOD MORNING MS. KNOWLES I AM HERE TO EXPOSE YOUR SECRETS

THIS ONE GOES OUT TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT #LOVE BEYONCÉ

"Beyoncé is my spirit animal" - people

"I wish I was as perfect as Beyoncé" - people

people love to brag about how perfect Beyoncé is....

because she is perfect.

....too perfect.

wanna know why?

because Beyoncé is not real.

SHE IS A ROBOT

I have been keeping these facts from everyone for all these years and right now I am going to expose the truth about Beyoncé Knowles-Carter.

Beyoncé is not real.

How do I know this?  Easy.  How have you not noticed this?

as you can see her pregnancy abdominal womb has deflated in this photograph.  This does not happen to normal human beings filled with water and blood with body parts made out of muscle and tissue. this only happens to those artificially constructed by science.

During the 2013 Superbowl Halftime Show there were more evidential photographs taken of Beyoncé as she resembled something not human but more manmade by scientists in a lab.  I will not be sharing the pictures because I do not want something so artificial posted under my identity on my blog and website domain.

Beyoncé Knowles-Carter was reconstructed with artificial intelligence back in early 2002 right before she made her first solo album debut.

After such fame with Beyoncé's first solo album debut and first film role, Beyoncé disappeared for a few years to be with "Destiny's Child." That's quite a suspicious name, no?

Scientists spent years in the laboratories to construct an extremely powerful robotic to coexist with destiny.  The most perfect species was handcrafted by scientists to bring destiny to the world. Nothing will ever overpower this one.  The foreign alien is the child of the scientists.  Destiny's Child.

BLUE IVY IS NOT REAL SHE IS A PUPPET (WHY DO YOU THINK THERE ARE ONLY PHOTOS OF HER BEING HELD??)

but then there are pictures of her walking...

...yet Jay-Z or Beyoncé hold her hand at all times.

If my assumptions of Blue Ivy Carter being a hand puppet are incorrect, then I will like to claim the fact that she is obviously made up of synthetic robotics because she needs the electric current coming from the faux Beyoncé and Jay-Z to power her mobility and everyday functions.

Blue Ivy Carter is nothing but a science fair project, for now.

DO NOT GET ME STARTED WITH DRUNK IN LOVE

BEYONCÉ IS FLOPPING AROUND ON THE BEACH AND SHE IS ALL WET AND WATERLOGGED LIKE A PIECE OF DRIFTWOOD (oh wait sorry..... "SURFBOARD")

IT'S GROSS BEYONCÉ IS GROSS SHE LOOKS LITERALLY FILTHY SHE NEEDS A BATH 

SHE RESEMBLES A PISS-SOAKED STRAW BALE (YET ANOTHER CLUE DISCOVERED LEADING TO THE FACT THAT BEYONCÉ IS ARTIFICIAL)

BEYONCÉ NEEDS TO BE HOSED DOWN TO SHORT CIRCUIT HER MOTHERBOARD SO EVERYONE CAN WATCH HER POWER OFF

ever notice how in the Drunk In Love video Beyoncé is never fully submerged in water?? 

THAT SONG SUCKS I DON'T KNOW HOW PEOPLE LIKE IT

BEYONCÉ CAN RELEASE AN ALBUM OF HER LABOR PAINS FROM THE "STUDIO" IN THE CORNER OF THE HOSPITAL ROOM AND IT WILL HAVE 50 MILLION DOWNLOADS ON ITUNES WITH A PERFECT RATING

AND JAY-Z

I'm also very suspicious with Jay-Z because there can't be anyone that looks THAT bad in their early 40s yet still dresses like they are 24 years old.... another factor to why I think Jay-Z is not real.

Literally out of nowhere Jay-Z got all gross looking because he went from really skinny and good looking in Girl's Best Friend to gross and geriatric looking in Drunk In Love.

Jay-Z first retired back in 2003 where he was not seen as often as he used to be.  This was because Jay-Z was sent back to the lab for the scientists to remodel his software and construct a new outer sculpt to become more 'aged.'  He was then released in 2006 as a more powerful android alongside with partner Beyoncé Knowles, who had also disappeared for a few years to work with "Destiny's Child." 

Jay-Z sucks I'm sorry he sucks lol actually I'm not sorry I'm just here to expose the truth

I KNOW that in a few years there will be speculations of Jay-Z and Beyoncé running for an upcoming presidential election.

and in my mind I have NO DOUBT that they will win the election because white people are so 'drunk in love' that they will vote for them just because it's Jay-Z and Beyoncé just like what happened with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

who cares what Jay-Z and Beyoncé have to offer for the United States of America, it's Jay-Z and Beyoncé!  They need this!  They can run all 49 states into the ground but crown New York as the newly remodeled kingdom of the United States, living in the "Blue House."

Recently, Beyoncé and Jay-Z and toted Blue Ivy Carter along with them to the White House for Michelle Obama's 50th birthday.  You know there was more to that visit than a birthday celebration.

The Obamas most likely have a secret lab on site at the White House where they were showing Beyoncé and Jay-Z and Blue Ivy Carter where they can reside once they enter the White House in a few years.  I'm sure they stopped by with a list of their required units that needed to be installed into the White House in such advance to accommodate their Presidential terms.

I am finished sharing limited information for now.  Maybe I will update with another blog post in the future regarding my speculations.