Janelle Monáe and the Wondaland Illuminati

Janelle Monáe and her protégé artists signed on her label, Wondaland Records, are all a part of the illuminati.  How am I so sure?

Janelle Monáe and her crew's new album is called The Eephus.  What is an eephus?

Eephus: an off-speed pitch, intended to catch the hitter off guard.

That's the baseball definition, but with what I can pull apart from that simple definition, it's another clue.

"Intended to catch the hitter off guard."  Right.  The Wondaland Illuminati intends to catch their audience (us) off guard with this album; meaning we won't see what they're trying to do until it's too late.

APPEARANCE

The Wondaland Illuminati has a very distinct and unique visual image for all members.

St. Beauty, Deep Cotton, Roman GianArthur, Jidenna, and Janelle Monáe always wear the same outfits.  Another merit leading me to believe that this is a cult.  

St. Beauty: these women always look dressed for a night on the town. Always.

Deep Cotton: always wearing something similar, like identical twins.  Dressed like the CEOs of companies.

Roman GianArthur: he has a similar wardrobe, but he always masks his appearance with that giant oversized hat.  Could it be that he's hiding himself because he's a member of this special illuminati? Just maybe.

Jidenna: he's always incognito with his suits and his cane, depicting himself to be an older gentleman that can't do any harm when smiling as he walks down Main St.  If only everyone knew the truth.  This "classic man" is nothing but an act.

Janelle Monáe: in the past, the media has commented on her outfits.  Lately, in the last 2 years, she's been on the down low with her ridiculous wardrobe, trying to play it cool up until her group was formed.  I caught on to you in 2009, I know what you're doing.  By Janelle Monáe dressing up like it's spirit week 24/7, it's only obvious that she's the ring leader behind the Wondaland Illuminati.  

 

ROLES

These are only assumptions, but based on my calculations, I have the best shot of being accurate.

Janelle Monáe:  She is the ring leader, the mastermind, the creator behind this cult.  She's the one that wants to bring her Wondaland Illuminati to power and rise above everyone and everything to control the world.  She is going to destroy the music industry and destroy the Earth.

Jidenna: Janelle Monáe's sidekick.  Her bitch.  Her right hand man.  Every woman lead role needs a male sidekick to distract the enemies' attacks on herself.  He is basically her stunt man.

Roman GianArthur: He's the one that plans everything for Janelle Monáe and Jidenna.  The "nerd" behind the operations.  He does all the dirty work for the Wondaland Illuminati behind the scenes.

St. Beauty: Every squad needs a female duo to distract the enemies from attacks.  This is the duo.

Deep Cotton: These two men are the "outsiders" that act like they have no idea what is going on with the operations.  They play it up as dumb like they're not with the protagonists, Janelle Monáe and Jidenna.  Deep Cotton plays with the opponents to get more secret information out of them to help Janelle Monáe take over the world.  

It's only a matter of time before the Wondaland Illuminati expands and Janelle Monáe adds more members, I mean artists, to this cult.  This is only the beginning.

Taylor Swift is an alien

Taylor Swift is a dumb basic girl that needs to be put in her place.  She sics her agents on anyone on the Internet that talks bad about her.  She copyrights everything.  Something is up.

The only logical theory left is that she's an alien. 

Taylor Swift looks different in every appearance she makes.  I'm having a hard time looking for pictures of her because no two pictures look alike.  Her team of scientists are always changing her up, making her look different because they are trying to hide the fact that she is not real.  Her "skin" is made out of real porcelain, but she's just covered in caked on makeup.

A few weeks ago, Taylor Swift lashed out on Nicki Minaj on twitter.  She quickly apologized and she was America's Li'l Sweetheart once again.  This issue was caused by a minor hiccup in her programming.  Taylor Swift's software hadn't been updated since the release of 1989, but her team quickly realised that can't happen again, so she is back to her bi-weekly firmware checks.  

Taylor Swift has the flattest ass ever.  You would think the scientists that created her mould would've worked on her body better, but all of their time and focus was on protecting her name on the Internet.

Taylor Swift also refuses to show off her belly button.... This is a major red flag on her end, but it also proves my theory to be correct with another fact.

all of Taylor Swift's songs sound the same... Aliens and other lifeless forms have no sense of rhythm or unique and individual style, so there is another checkmark to my theory.

Taylor Swift also squints her eyes in every photo shoot and appearance she makes.  You would think someone with a lot of money would fix her glaucoma or whatever eye issues she has, but no, this is not a top priority; she is an alien and the faulty wiring and connections to her eyes was not at the top of the list to tend to, her team has to protect her name.

She used to be all about country music.  Her team of scientists protecting her image realised that in order to make a bigger splash, she needs to broaden and write 'pop' music about boys.  Ex boyfriends.  Miss "little me is innocent- I cheated on him because he looked at me wrong so it's his fault for treating me like garbage." This seems a little too easy and basic, but silly Americans won't notice how suspicious this is, because they are all in love with her, swooning over her every move. 

Taylor Swift has had a lot of boyfriends.  And I mean a lot of them.  More than the prettiest girl in middle school has had all school year.  I think these fine men have found out the truth behind Taylor Swift, got suspicious, and Taylor Swift's team of scientists got spooked and ended the relationship before it was too late, and paid the men a pretty penny to keep it all hush-hush.  Let's be real now, there is no other explanation behind it.  Calvin Harris, if you see this, DO NOT take the money to keep quiet.  Please expose everything.  Touch her face, you will find out that she is made out of porcelain, vinyl, and silicone.

this shit isn't cute

The sole reasoning that Miss Swift is covering up her footprints before she takes a step, is really just because she is not real.  She is an alien and so far, it looks like I am the only one that has figured this out.  I cracked the case with Beyoncé and Jay-Z, and now I have decoded Taylor Swift.

No Sleeep

Janet Jackson returns after 7 years and she gives us 'No Sleeep'

This song is exactly what I would expect from Janet; a soft, intimate song, featuring J. Cole's soft voice.  This song reminds me a lot of 'Any Time, Any Place,' both songs have the hot R&B "quiet storm" sound effects; the whispering, the rain, the clouds clapping

I don't even need to explain what the song is about because it's self explanatory within the first 5 seconds of hearing it

The video is very similar to Miguel's 'Coffee' video, both videos have a dim-lit room, same language and messages, but Miguel's is about waking up and Janet's is about staying up all night.

In 'Any Time, Any Place' Janet is waiting around for her man to stop by.  The same thing is happening with 'No Sleeep,' with J. Cole showing up at the end.

Janet Jackson holds up a magnifying glass in a part of the video, which makes me wonder if this video foreshadows a next video/single leading up to a murder or some other mystery.

Janet Jackson picked a good song to bring back her return