Chrissy Teigen and John Legend announce they're expecting a child

Just 12 months ago, I made a statement regarding what would John Legend do if he became a father.

The nightmare has begun.

Chrissy Teigen, a literal monster, has John Legend whipped like you wouldn't believe.  I'm not going to get into this again, but believe me, he's trapped.

This just put the icing on the cake.  John, you've created a stay-at-home mommy (SAHM for short) Hell.  She's never going to do anything but pose for diaper brands, and become a huge advocate for the Honest Co.  She will also chat your ear off about car seats, baby led weaning, crying it out methods, and everything else you loathe hearing from moms.  This kid was conceived for Chrissy Teigen's own image.  She needs more followers on instagram and social media.  She wants to show off her kid in those leather moccasins and $25 onesies with an obnoxious saying on them.  But John Legend will just sit along in the passenger seat for the ride as Chrissy Teigen cracks her whip and controls the United States.

I'm praying that John Legend speaks and puts an end to the exploitation of his child and wants privacy to give his kid a normal life.  I do not want to see this mess on the cover of People magazine in the spring.  Based on what Chrissy Teigen said in her interview, she wants to have a large brood of kids like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.  Here we go again.

Only 6 more months until her Instagram aesthetic is born!

Miguel releases Simple Things" remix featuring Chris Brown & Future

19 months after "Simple Things" hit airwaves, Miguel releases a re-lit version featuring Chris Brown and Future, with the help of producer (and Miguel's good friend and personal musical director) Brook D'Leau.

Simple Things was already remastered for Wildheart when it released late June, with minor changes.  

ok I'm gonna just stop here and get real and explain what I'm trying to say about this 

ok let me just say that hearing Chris Brown covering a Miguel song is really hot and this is a dream come true I've been waiting for Chris Brown and Miguel to do something together for years because they are both so hot and unique and they both have hot voices and omg and Future is really hot too I've been saying this for years and it's like a calling or an angel flew down from Heaven and made them all brainstorm together and have an epiphany and get them all in the studio to remake Simple Things

Simple Things is already a really good song it's so real and true to the heart and Miguel made it really good and extra hot with these hot cameos omg I swear this is the hottest remix I've heard in the last 3 years

I yearned for the day that Miguel and Chris Brown get in the studio together and release hot songs and I had a feeling that it was going to happen soon tbh because when Miguel released Wildheart in June, Chris Brown gave Miguel a huge shout out on instagram for everyone to go listen to his album even though everyone should listen to Miguel's album because Miguel is hot and he is first priority over everything in the world he comes before the sick people on their deathbeds

Right now Miguel is busy touring in Europe until the end of the month and I know after the tour and towards Thanksgiving and December he is going to show us some tricks up his sleeve and I cannot wait because Miguel is a ticking time bomb he explodes with hot content when you least expect it because he is an enigma like me and it's so hot omg

Miguel I just want to personally congratulate you on becoming so hot in life and being even more perfect with this hot and steamy collaboration and I cannot wait to watch you get even more hot and famous in life and become a really famous public figure like the giant billboards that you see on the side of major highways or a bronze statue you see in the vestibule of a rest stop and everyone stops and pays attention to you even though they should already be doing that because you're perfect

I love you Miguel 

Ryan Adams covers Taylor Swift's 1989 album

As talked about for months, Ryan Adams covered Taylor Swift's 1989 album, and it was released this week.

Who is Ryan Adams?

No, not Canadian mom-heartthrob Bryan Adams.  

9 years ago I went to a benefit concert and Ryan Adams was headlining.  Everyone was so excited that he was going to be there.  When it was his turn, he was poor.  I think I got up and waited on line for the bathroom during his set because it was that uninteresting.  Gavin DeGraw was on right before him and he got booed off the stage; that was more entertaining than Ryan Adams.

Ryan Adams has this mastermind idea that because he sucks, he's going to win everyone over with a cover of that insane monster, Taylor Swift's, new album 1989.  He is doing exactly what Lilly Allen did with Sheezus.  Except this isn't cute or funny or practical it just makes him look even more sad that he can't come out with a good piece of music and he's just exploiting Taylor Swift more than she needs to be and we don't need this because she isn't real and nobody needs to deal with her even more than we already do.

Ryan Adams' cunning idea is going to backfire shortly when Taylor Swift's insane fans take this all in and consider it an insult to them (Taylor Swift fans aren't real people anyway so it's ok) but I think Ryan Adams should just wave that white flag as much as he can and give up on music.

Mandy Moore, if you see this, RUN